Lame

Here are some things that I think are totally lame...to say, to do, to be...whatever...

Anyone who still uses the term "..like a rockstar" in reference to partying, drinking, finding a good parking spot..etc. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt here, and say chances are you're probably not a huge douchebag...but using this term makes you sound way less cool. Why not just say, "Man, I snorted so much blow tonight!" or "Yea, we got bottle service!" or "Wow! I found a spot right in front of the club!" It would be way more effective in portraying this rockstar lifestyle you lead, but at the same time, you wouldn't be sounding like such an arrogant dork. And if you don't mind sounding like an arrogant dork, then you could always just say, "Hi, I'm from New Jersey."

People who take promoting peace to the point of obnoxious annoyance. The idea of world peace is great, in theory. And come on, do you know anyone who says, "Ya know, I'd really rather live in a world of death and destruction where there's swords everywhere and bombs going off all around me"? No, I guarantee you don't know anyone who says that. Everyone thinks it'd be fabulous if the earth was a serene and peaceful place, but it's just not a reality, so get over it and stop preaching hippie bullshit that can't be applied to the real world. I get excited about things too, kids. Let's start a revolution! But like I said, let's preach something that's actually applicable to today's world.

Toilets with a weak flush, totally lame.

Women who consistently make comments about how damn good they look. And even when it's in jest. Any woman with half an ounce of confidence does not feel the need to point out how hot she is all the time. So if anything, doing so actually defeats the point you're trying to make (that you're a secure and independent woman, Beyonce). I know a girl who's constantly telling stories about "how funny it was" when so and so hit on her, or "oh jeez, some dude tried to pick me up at the grocery store today, listen to what he said!.." And sometimes it IS funny, but other times it's just exhausting to listen to. Even the ugliest chicks ever have a humorous tale or two about some loser's pick up lines, and some of us could write a whole book on the topic, I'm sure. But letting everyone know how many times a day some asshole makes it known that he wants your ass shouldn't be a daily ritual. We all know you're easy on the eyes, pipe down.

Cheap ass son of a bitches are really lame too. Male and female. If I tell you that I don't wanna go out to dinner tonight because I'm broke as hell, then please don't stiff me when the bill comes. Even if I'm not broke as hell, you still shouldn't stiff me when the bill comes. You're the one who dragged me out of the house in the first place, and all I had was a drink and an appetizer! You know you should be putting down more money than you just did, SO DO IT. You really think nobody's gonna notice that you should have thrown in at least 10 more bucks? Wrong, and now we're never going out to dinner with you again.

Dogs named Buddy, cats named Tiger or Tigger, also totally lame.

Daily walks. It's nice to take an evening stroll, I enjoy it. And I can also see how it would be really exhilarating to occasionally start your morning off with a good cup of coffee and a brisk walk. But why do I always see the same lady or the same couple taking the exact same route, in the exact same place that they did the day before, day in and day out? That's not exciting at all. Can't you break away from the routine every once in a while and change it up a bit, make it a little more interesting maybe? And better yet, why do I have nothing better to do than stare out the window and criticize innocent speed walkers everywhere I go?

Hot as hell subway cars, lame. And really bad for the hair and makeup too. I spend all this time getting ready to go out, and then the "1" train comes truckin' down the line and fucks it all up for me. Now I look like a frizzy haired tranny with pit stains. And who wants to hang out with one of those? I know I don't, and if I wouldn't even wanna hang out with me, I might as well just go home. Can I get some AC, please?

Peeling a potato or a cucumber. I can't stand it. I'll do it, but it takes me forever. And it just isn't right that one should have to stand there, frustrated, flinging vegetable peels everywhere while they try and strip a potato of its dignity, forcing it into the nude. And then, after the misery of simply peeling them is finally over, you're left with a bunch of peels that accidentally got flung on the wall...no good. Beef wellington, on the other hand, I can totally do. And if anyone has a good recipe for stuffed peppers, I'd be into checking it out.

Wood paneling, outdated lame. Yea, the house I grew up in has it too, no worries.

Fat girls who stuff their feet into the wrong pair of heels, grotesquely lame. I'm by no means a skinny little white girl, and I'm all about embracing your curves and loving yourself at every size...but this just doesn't look right. If your feet are overflowing out of your shoes, crying to be released, something's very wrong. I mean, I know which types of shoes look good on my feet and which ones don't. And sometimes I have to put those cute strappy stilettos back up on the shelf because I know I just can't pull it off with my flat Fred Flinstone feet. Why can't you utilize the same good judgment?

Little kids talking shit, to smokers specifically. I wouldn't mention this if it hadn't happened to me more than once, but it has. Three times actually. And once I heard it happen to another god-awful smoker I know too, while we were on the phone. I guess I was a little relieved to hear that I wasn't the only one being ridiculed by youngsters. The last time it happened was a few weeks ago when an 8 year old walked past with an attitude, pointed at me, coughed and said, "Smoking is soOOOOO bad for you!!!" Oh really? So is talking shit to strangers. Maybe one day you'll enter your teenage years and get shot in the fucking knee cap for being disrespectful to people on the street. That would be really bad too, wouldn't it? You'd probably never walk the same. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong smoker. I'd like to thank the Truth ad campaign for turning little children into snotty know it all's.

Flies, fuckin' lame as hell. Mosquitos too.

And last but not least, people who are always blaming their problems on the rest of the world, finding a reason other than the one in the mirror as to why they're not achieving the desired results. It's really easy to take credit for all the great things you have in your life, but I think it's really rare to find a person who understands how to take credit for all the shit that pisses them off about their life too. You are responsible for your whole being, not just the good. Hold yourself accountable for your reality, your unhappiness, your lonliness, your nature, your procrastinating...your whatever. It's not about who's right and who's wrong, or what's right and what's wrong; it's about you and the way you handle adversities big and small. Take it, own it, accept it, question it, and then motherfucking change it. Don't change who you are, change how you respond to life. Your problems are not anyone else's fault, not anyone else's doing, not due to anyone else's actions. Your life sucks because of your own decisions. Your relationships end because of your behavior. Your job blows because you're too comfortable to find a new one. Your boyfriend is an asshole because you chose the wrong one. Your friends left because you let them. You did it. All of it. Whether you're able to admit it or not, your own agenda couldn't adapt to keep itself afloat. You didn't make the proper accomodations and compromises to keep yourself happy. If you're gonna get sad when he doesn't call the next day, then don't get drunk and have sex with that dickhead. If you didn't wanna call that bitch your girlfriend, then don't get pissed when she goes away. Again, you did that. And when you deny that it's all your own doing, you hand over the control without even realizing it. You're allowing someone or something else to dictate how you feel about your own situation. And you don't want that dickhead bitch having the control, do you? When you stop looking for someone to blame for your dissatisfaction you regain that control. And when you are the only one in control of everything in your life, you recognize that no one else is responsible for your greatness but you, and it's by your own doing that you're completely fulfilled. It's freedom. You're now on the other end of the spectrum, and it's fucking awesome, or so I've heard. Are we existing on a higher plane yet or what people?? Awww yea!!

Hey, really though, who the fuck am I to talk? I'm the lamest of my whole crew. ;)