Taboo

Not that anything I talk about in cyberspace receives much traffic or that I'm important enough to create any sort of buzz, but nonetheless, there are certain things I won't speak of publicly on the internet. They are as follows:

My Mom. I have a weird relationship with my Mom. Don't get me wrong, she's been a great Mom, no doubt. But we don't have the same way of processing things, and she's very sensitive about certain issues. So I guess I fear that sharing my perspective on some of those issues would potentially damage us forever. And so I just won't go there.

My friends. I like to talk about my friends quite freely, because they're all pretty unique and interesting characters who make for good times and good story telling. But I'll rarely use names when I'm looking for specific examples in order to make a point. If you're part of my particular inner circle, you just might be able figure out who's who due to your own observations...but that's your call.

My loves. These are few and far between. I love love, corny as that is. Love is the only thing worth living/dying for, and that in itself just really fascinates the shit out of me. But I also have a pretty good understanding of the fact that, no matter how "right" I think I am in certain situations, there are still two sides to every story. I'm sure my opinion of the things that have taken place in my life is very different from the opinions of the other parties involved. And who's really to say which one of us is right? That's not up to me. This being so, if I've felt deeply for you at one point in my life, I won't ever totally talk shit about you. Some things are always sacred. And nobody really deserves that, even if you were a big asshole. I might mention a thing or two about my feelings for you, but I'm pretty good at keeping things fairly objective. Unless you're one of my girls, that is. In which case, I'm gonna call you up and tell you how it really went down, like, "listen to what the prick did this time!.." wink wink.

So if you fall into one of those categories, you can breathe a small sigh of relief.

Moving along, this next person absolutely did not fall into any of those categories, and I highly doubt he or any of his friends can even read anyway....

I got a text the other night from a number I didn't recognize (his was one I'd deleted to make more room in my phone, and you'll see why in a second). I'm gonna punctuate and abbreviate exactly the same way he did too, so you see what an idiot he is...

"Hey lori"

Like I said, I don't know the number, so I don't respond.

5 minutes later..

"its insert douchebag's name"

But no last name, and a really common first name...so it's still not clicking.

Me - "_____ who?"

"_____ __________. we use ta get wastd and makeott"

Oh you mean, "We used to get wasted and make out." Now I know who you are. It's great to hear that that's how you remember me. It explains why you only took me out on one real date the 2 months we hung out. You couldn't have said something like, "we met at blah blah blah" or "yea, you know, so and so's friend.."?

No no...instead we just used to get drunk and dry hump. Thank you.

So this is the route I took with that one:

Me - "Ooooh yea! And then one night you whispered in my ear that you were a VIRGIN, and that was a little too much for me to handle at my age, so we pretty much stopped hanging out after that."

See, what's your face? I have a sense of humor too! And I still can't figure out why you were trying to get on me all the time if you'd never laid pipe in your life. Did you really think I was "The One" or something? I doubt it.

"ummm ya i guess"

Me - "So what's up?"

"im gona b inthe city n i was wndering if i could slep at ur place sat"

Wait a second. We haven't talked in a YEAR, you text me with some really rude fucking intro like that, and now you wanna know if you could "slep" at my place on Saturday? THAT'S JUST FANTASTIC!

Me - "No, you most definitely cannot."

Lately I'm not as tolerant as I usually am, and I don't know why. If you want to talk to me about some real shit, then welcome. But if you're going to gloss over past fuck-up's and play a fake little game, then no thanks. Come correct, or don't come at all. Better yet, just go home all together. Cuz I'm tired of doing all the work.